Sacrificed To A Greater Good

The chimes sing a discordant song orchestrated by the wind. The birds sing their own song in glorious refrain. Looking out on the waters of the bayou, sparkling with wind and sunlight, I'm filled with the life of the world. But I was never here. 

I don't know if the things you've done, good and bad, tip more one way or the other on the scales. I don't know how mine tilt either. How we contribute to the world, even the world doesn't know. The people around us can internalize one thing or another that we've said and done, and be better or worse for it. They may never know the weight of it themselves. 

In a dream I was sacrificed for The Greater Good. I and my child. I tried to define Greater Good first, to make that decision, but that decision wasn't asked or allowed of me. Only my sacrifice was demanded. 

Our Christian history is full of martyrs. Martyrs for God's Good and Glory are of a different story. The World's leaders don't get to decide for me, and especially for my son, what The Greater Good is, and demand my sacrifice. There is no Great Good if it's gotten there on a road paved with human bones. 

Continued in "This and the Moral Line"

This and the Moral Line

Before we answer “Why is this happening?” or “Should this be allowed?” should the whole question be defined first, or the question of what is “this”? 

If we separate and define what “this” is, examine it by itself and question whether it be good or bad and should ever be allowed, we come up with a line, a rule to judge the second. 

 

If, instead, we define the whole question, outlining a situation that may at the moment seem dire and urgent in its own way, we can ask “is basically anything allowable now that we’ve determined that the situation is a thing that really must be stopped?” 

 

In defining the problem first, with no moral line placed on whatever the solution may be (or the determiners may say the solution is,) then there is no line that couldn’t be crossed. 

That is part of the fight over the Constitution and the Amendments, which defined “this” for several things and said for no reason should “this” be infringed: not even a good and urgent reason. 

If we define “this” as never permissible, we don’t force no solution but better solutions. 

 

If anything is permissible under the right circumstances, then the right circumstances will certainly arrive, and we as a race concede that morality may be erased at any moment if it is For the Greater Good. The Greater Good of whom or what entities can be fuzzy. Lines that can be moved were not lines. A humanity that occasionally gives up its humanity for fear or convenience of uncreative solutions has given up on defining anything - up to and including their own sacrifice - as a line that can’t be crossed. 

A whole world view looks at no one in the face, cares about and remembers no one. It makes everyone into part of a chart of statistics. If those statistics are basically trending good, it will be called good, and your particular harms will be defined as an “acceptable casualty.” 

We must never give up looking at humans as individuals with their own humanity, their own choices and God-given rights to choices. If you would not be okay being an acceptable casualty, or your children, neither should you be okay with someone else or their faceless children being an acceptable casualty for your Greater Good. That, ultimately, is human sacrifice; a practice that never seems to go out of style. 

Therefore, we must define “this” and the acceptability of “this” before we define any pressing circumstances that may infringe upon it. When it does, we hold the line.

How To Take Action Against Injustice

 

We live in a world where injustice (or perceptions of it) is always in front of our faces, 24/7, flooding our veins with the adrenaline of a fighter with nothing to fight. Even before the internet (oh shush, you young whippersnappers) one of my pet peeves was the well-laid-out and long articles detailing a major problem, that ended with no way for me to contribute to a solution. Today we have our social media accounts to go gripe to, and the amount of shares and likes we receive count as the amount of difference we make in the world. But deep down, we know better.

There’s very little, it seems, that we can do about so many things, while so many things seem to be piling up. Yes, I see that injustice! What can I do? Tell me where to go. I’m ready. But no, we’re little peons with pocketknives for swords.

 

It may surprise you to know that Jesus’ times were full of injustices, too. I mean, slightly surprising. Because Jesus didn’t really talk about it, per say. But where humans exist, atrocities abound, and 33 A.D. was no different. There was sex-trafficking, rape, murder, and infanticide, and the unjustly accused dying. Jesus lived in an occupied country. And while those around him tried to trap him into talking politics on several occasions, He didn’t go for it. He did, however, address it.

 

Blessed are you who are poor, for the Kingdom of God is yours.

Blessed are you who are now hungry, for you will be satisfied.

Blessed are you who are now weeping, for you will laugh.

Blessed are you when people hate you, and when they exclude you and insult you, and denounce your name as evil on account of the Son of Man.

…

Luke 6:20-22 (read also 23-26)

 

Jesus came to change hearts, not minds. We should do likewise. Starting with ourselves.

 

But to you who hear I say, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you… Luke 6:27-28 (read also the rest of the chapter)

 

“Oh, clickbait!” you say. “I wanted a way to take action!” I know. I’m telling you, be patient.

 

Why do you call me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ but do not do what I command? Luke 6:46

 

Jesus came to change hearts, not minds. Arguing on the internet or across the Thanksgiving table with Uncle Joe may be a favorite pastime for some people, but it’s spinning on a hamster wheel, even if you score a few points or some likes. What does it do? Change the heart, and the rest will follow. We have to start with our heart to make it ready, malleable, presentable. That can only be done through constant prayer and connection with our Lord and Savior.

 

Then, “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might.” Ecclesiastes 9:10

 

We see all the big out there, and want to do big and change big, and stomp all over the small things that are front of us to do. Take care of your family, be kind, pray, get involved with local things.

 

You see, we are coming apart at the seams because we’re the seams. For some of us, whatever little thing in front of us doesn’t seem big enough, and it can get ignored for the desire of a nobler cause. Something falls apart that wasn’t supposed to.

 

So yes, that’s it. I know it seems unsatisfying to some. Read, pray, love, do what’s in front of you, this day, to do. Turn off the internet more often. Goodnight.

 

 

Don't miss: I Cordially Invite You To Sin Against Me

 

A Beautiful Wedding And Tough Conversations Part 2

I've hesitated for a long time about updating this blog anymore with personal information. It was mostly about Jaden and his journey, and he's fine now, and if he wants anyone to know anything else, he can say it himself. And believe me, he's about to. Wisdom is his superpower, and he writes like a college-educated adult. It's about to get fun. 

But about us. My ex-husband is no longer my ex. Jaden got his wish, and we were remarried in 2018.

And again this December, but I'll get to that. Covid did us one favor and allowed my husband to work from home, so we moved to da Louisiana bayou. Then God did an interesting thing to my ever-searching-but-never-finding heart. He led me home to the Catholic church. We went through 6 wonderful months of spiritual education, my first marriage was annulled (I was twice-divorced,) and my husband and I were married up again with a good and proper Catholic wedding. 

A week before Christmas we were all confirmed in the Church. It's been a beautiful month. For anyone who is tempted to save me from myself, stop. I've been Protestant most of my life and have read, thought, searched, prayed. I also used to know everything. Arguments are funny when they're one-sided and the accusations not true at all. 

But my soul has found rest and I'm home now and that is that. It was a very unexpected turn of events all around, for sure. 

So about us. I have thought for a long time, "Nobody cares what I have to say." That may be true but I guess it's time to say things again and let other people decide. This time my wonderful autistic kiddo will also be chiming in with his own posts. Do look back at my old posts, because it wasn't vanity that drove me to share our life, but the hope of helping others who may be drowning. 

So stick around, keep following. Jaden and I have a lot to say.

Don't miss: I Cordially Invite You To Sin Against Me

I Cordially Invite You to Sin Against Me

It seemed to begin in earnest with reality shows. Oh sure, it was a thing already there, always lurking, hiding in the world’s oldest professions and creeping out like the snake it is to infect all parts of our lives. When you’re invited to sin with open arms, the temptation you face is made stronger by the fact that sometimes a person is tempting you with all their actions. It begins to feel like a victimless crime if the victim asked for it.

 

Why reality shows? Because those people signed on for the cameras, for the scrutiny, and ultimately for the ridicule. And if you ridicule someone who asked for it, in the privacy of your own home, who does it hurt, really? So you did, and you do. You judged their hairstyles, their walk, the way they laughed, their five extra pounds, the way they related to the world. Anything you could ridicule, you grabbed onto with both hands. You called it a “guilty pleasure.” It was a sin.

 

Eventually your scornful nature stopped feeling bad about it, stopped listening to that check in your spirit. Everyone does it, and you find like-minded scorners to show yourself that you’re in good company and everyone does it. You were, after all, invited. The monster fed is a monster that grows, and your scorn spills over to anyone that opportunes themselves. “Hey, if they didn’t want to be ridiculed, they shouldn’t have ---.” Guffaw.

 

If they asked for it, what’s wrong with that? For that matter, what’s wrong with sleeping with a hooker, or looking at porn, or taking up a willing one-night-stand? You always think a sin of this nature is to fight against Satan’s attacks on you, and that it’s about… you. If the person wanted it, it’s you who is the tempted, therefore it’s you who is the victim.

 

You were cordially invited to sin against someone, and you cordially accepted the invitation. Why a certain person may feel inclined to put themselves in a position to be victimized is varied and complex. It usually comes from places of previous victimization, deceptions, possessions. In other words, they have had a breakdown of their identity. Somewhere who they are has been decimated or twisted, and they are now acting out a part handed to them. Every sin invited and sin accepted against them is an affirmation that this twisted picture of identity is an accurate one.

 

The sins of scorn, sex, and porn are related, because it accepts a rotten and objectifying view of a human being. It makes the person less human, to become a toy for your pleasure and amusement.

 

How can this affect anyone if you’re at home alone? Well, it never ends that way and that’s that, but that’s the ending. There are spiritual laws (Luke 6:36-38) and let’s say: you are certainly not praying for that person and, in a way, praying against them. “For of the abundance of heart his mouth speaketh,” Luke 6:45. In spite of your beginning intentions, it starts to come across towards people in your own close circle. They notice.

 

“What I say on the internet is the internet.” There are people behind those memes, those 80s hairstyles, the “retarded” memes, the people you communicate with that you think are idiots. Humans whom God loves, and in spite of what they say, have soft and breakable hearts.

 

If God singled one person out and thundered loudly “I love her, do not sin against her,” would you ever dare make fun of her or look at her naked, even if she by her actions invited you to do so? I would hope you’d be too afraid to touch that, and move on to the next. But God feels that way about all of his lost children. He called us to be a witness, not one of the rabble tearing people to shreds and body parts. The world laughs at us for this reason. They know our hypocrisy and crack it open. To take the Lord’s name, that he gave you, in vain is a terrible witness.

 

Christians argue ad nauseam about theology, but when asked what was the most important commandment to follow, Jesus made it clear. “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind’ and ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ‘You have answered correctly,’ Jesus replied. ‘Do this and you will live.’” Luke 10:27-28 (NIV) Jesus made it simple, in the most difficult commands ever.

 

Broken people will invite you to sin against them. An engraved invitation to sin is still sin. Whatever a person says or thinks about themselves, or how they present themselves, is not an excuse to go against God’s laws and His desires for that person. Every one is one whom God puts forth, and Jesus uttered through his actions on the cross, “I love them.” He has an identity for them. We should all be more reverent to others in light of this knowledge. 

 

Does God Honor Evil?

 Many people are only now starting to look up terms like HEK293 and perhaps finding that it's in and used for so many things, the list could feel overwhelming. What do we do with this information? Some would say, honor the sacrifice for the Greater Good. What man meant for evil, God meant for good. I mean, yeah, I know that scripture, but let's not get out of hand. 

What is HEK293? They took a baby who had been aborted, took cells from it's parts, and made a cell line, tissue cultures that are experimented on. HEK = Human Embryonic Kidney.

Does God honor the acts of Great Evil? That's the real question isn't it? If we say "yes," then any evil could be excused into perpetuity as long as it's for the Greater Good. And before you cry "hyperbole!", perpetuity is what we're looking at.

 

A vast amount of medical science and knowledge was gleaned from the horrors of human experimentation. I'm sorry if you didn't know that, but it's true, and it would be dishonest to have this discussion without bringing it up. So many people blink and eventually say something like "so many lives have been saved." True, in a way, but so many have been lost. Human experimentation (of the horrific kind) never died, it just went underground, and the little bits of knowledge tossed out from the government about what the government "used to do" is enough to make a sane person sick. 

 

Aside from that and back to "so many lives have been saved." Medical errors are the third leading cause of death in the US. THIRD seems like a lot. This, of course, does not account for all the recalls in medical equipment and medicines, because ten years later it seems some these medicines are killing people. Oops. So we're all being experimented on, and these medicines aren't always that great. 

 

Who can count up the total of lives lost to lives saved? What's the balance, in the end? 

 

Let's say, for the sake of argument, that it's true. Many lives saved to lives lost (lives we try not to think about.) What are we saying? That extended life is what we were meant for, by whatever means? That saving our own lives until we eek out every last drop from it, taking more than giving, is not only the point, but worth the human sacrifices along the way? At what point could you muster the courage to say that your life is more worthy than to extend it through honoring evil, less worth than torturing another soul for to gain a few years? 

 

No, not all medical advances were built on torturous human experimentation. Some of it was. Is it honored?

 

Let's look at the here and now. Human brain cells are being grown in mice. Aborted baby parts are being sold at a high price, and we know it's not for nothing. Aborted baby cells are being kept alive to grow medicines, to test medicines, to test your food for flavorfulness. Does God honor these things for the Greater Good, or does He see them as the High Places that need to be torn down? 

 

We have no right to condemn the ancient tribes for practicing human sacrifice. They were trying to save the many with the few, for the Greater Good. One death for a crop, one child. How could we judge? But God did. He pulled down whole nations for it. 

 

What you do with the information you gleaned is between you and God. There are no easy fixes. My life was also saved once through medical science. But we must be sure not to assuage our own sense of complacency and call it The Lord. He has always demanded that we tear down the High Places. Only One human sacrifice was pleasing to Him; the One He sent Himself. WE have no right to demand that anyone give up, be tortured for, or risk their life for ours. We have no right to take evil and say it is good.

 

May God have mercy on our souls, we have turned a blind eye to medical science and whatever it is doing at the moment, as long as the outcome is to our benefit. 

Read If Any Drug Tested On HEK293 Is Immoral, Goodbye Modern Medicine whose argument is that that we can't escape being touched by evil. The author is not wrong on that account, so make up your own minds. There is also quite a list of things that HEK293 is used for, so I won't go into here, and description of so many ways that we all have blood on our hands. 

Research Synomyx

Read A Comprehensive List of Food Companies and Products That Use Senomyx (Used Aborted Babies)

Read LIST OF COMPANIES USING FETAL CELLS FROM ABORTED BABIES TO FLAVOUR PRODUCTS

Read about Project MK Ultra  

Read Nazi Medical Experimentation: The Ethics Of Using Medical Data From Nazi Experiments
by Baruch C. Cohen 

I Could Walk Away

"I could walk away now," I told someone in January. And until the words were out of my mouth, I had never even thought them. Not once considered them. But they echoed in my head for days into weeks, weeks into months. And with every passing day I took another step away.

I've been writing, blogging, admining, researching everything autism and special needs from the moment we got my son's diagnosis. Before that time I had already been writing, researching, etc. attachment parenting, and long before that studying child psychology. I'd say "It's just what I do," but really it's for the kids. It's always for the kids. Children aren't resilient (that's why so many grownups need therapy and are dx'd with personality disorders) and childhood can be a nightmare for some people, and if I can be that one little light in the dark for one person, then its worth it. But it starts with the parents, and parenting, because ultimately they hold the most influence.

Then I got thrown into my biggest challenge yet - parenting my own wonderfully stubborn (I'm serious, I dig that about him) child with a plethora of personal obstacles he had to overcome. Every moment meant something important and I wore myself out making sure it meant something important and all forward progress; to being the most confident, caring, self-reliant version of himself that he can be. It was hard work for both of us. I'd love to tell everyone how we did it, so I wrote more articles and counseled more people and, and, and... I'm tired. He's doing pretty good now. We continue to make forward progress, but on autopilot. Meaning, all the stuff is now second nature and we just do it.

So I went to school and got my English degree and made myself more tired but happy, and put up a website that I mentally gave myself a year to start making enough money to pay for itself. I was a single mom, I didn't have that much. Then I said the words and thought the thoughts. "We're doing really good. I could walk away now." From all of it. From a world I didn't volunteer for. Its a chance I know a lot of people don't have. I wasn't getting a lot of feedback. As far as I know, my voice is swallowed up in the wind of a million other voices and maybe doesn't make it past my face. I don't even know anymore. Was I helping anybody?

I didn't make a decision out of the blue. I just stopped. Rested. Thought. Stopped using Facebook. Stopped listening to the screaming fray. Stopped trying to yell over them. Just took a step back, and then another. Did a lot of thinking about what I wanted to write. About what I would have been doing if this parenting-special-needs gig hadn't swallowed me whole.

I decided to be selfish.

Then I got a text and drove 9 hours to Louisiana to help someone with a very difficult, stressful thing and did that for a month.

When I put the two together I said "God is laughing at me." Jaden said "It just proves you are who you are." Because he is wiser than I am, and less apt to jump to the conclusion that I'm the constant punchline of a cosmic joke. I'll still wonder.

So I guess the conclusion is that I did walk away, deciding to work on different types of projects. Still avoiding the world of online, preferring instead the company of bumblebees and the breeze blowing in the trees while I sit with a pen poised over paper. But I'm always on call.

Should You Tell Your Child About Their Diagnosis?

“When should I tell my child about their diagnosis?” 

“Should I even tell him?”
“I haven't had the heart to bring it up yet.”

Once upon a time, children who were adopted were rarely told that they were adopted until they were adults. This would be a devastating revelation because by that time, they felt that their whole life had been built on a lie.

Keeping a child’s diagnosis from them is the identity lie of the 21st century. 

We would only commit the lie of omission because the thing we hesitate to reveal is bad, right?

As much as you may not understand it, a mental health diagnosis is part of who your child is. Even a diagnosis we learn to overcome, such as anxiety or OCD, leaves grooves and scars, and shapes us in ways that a neurotypical person will never understand. If someone you love has a diagnosable condition, you may feel and even hope that if you ignore it, they can ignore it also. Life doesn't work that way.

Any health condition, and any mental health condition, is something that is going to make life more difficult in some way for the individual. If the atmosphere in your house is that “we don’t talk about this,” then the individual will probably feel that they shouldn’t talk about their difficulties. They should try harder to be normal, or at least look and act normal. The fact that this is a struggle when it seems to be so easy for everyone else is a cause for depression, heightened anxiety, mood disorders, self-harm, and even suicide. This isn’t hyperbole or a scare tactic. Children who commit suicide overwhelmingly deal with the struggle of trying and failing to fit in.

Ignoring the issue won't make it go away. It makes it worse.

No matter what you do or don’t do, your child will know that they are different. 

On the other hand, knowing that it’s not all in their head, or that there are others like them with the same struggles, and that it isn’t their fault for not trying hard enough, can be a bittersweet relief. In our desire to fit in, even finding a seat with your name on it in the Island of Misfit toys brings the comfort of community. And there is a community with your name on it.

So when should you tell your child about their diagnosis? Right now!  

How should I tell my child about their diagnosis?

The diagnosis should be revealed in a positive way. Parenting isn’t about you, it’s about them. You can have your cries in the dark corner of the Target parking lot, or get drunk and compare parenting notes at the next Moms' Night Out. And if you haven’t found your local special needs parenting community, that should be your next mission. They’re out there. But when you talk to your child about themselves, it’s about them, and your struggles parenting them shouldn’t have a voice in the conversation. Their identity shouldn’t be tangled up in improving your life.

My son was quite young when I started talking to him about his autism for the first time, and his receptive language skills (the ability to comprehend what’s being said to him) was low, so I kept it simple.

“Your brain works different than a lot of other people. That’s a good thing! The world needs people who think different. My brain works different too.” 

As he and his comprehension grew, so did his questions. I got books that we read together. He spent a lot of time among non-typical peers, and among our special needs community. We could both relax around other families who don’t blink an eye at odd behaviors; the ones that make everyone uncomfortable in neurotypical groups.

And like that, autism has always been a word in his life. There are no bombshells, no feeling isolated because he’s not like anyone else, and he doesn’t feel any negativity about his diagnosis or himself. He’s actually rather proud of his differences, while still understanding the extra struggles that it's brought him.

Talk to your child about their diagnosis, keep it on a level they understand, grow the conversation as they grow, and keep it positive. Find your community of non-typical peers and parents who laugh in the face of a meltdown.